Christmas and Cancellations...

So,  the first thing to be cancelled was my early train to Manchester but a lovely woman took me on the bus. I'm sure I would have arrived at uni quicker (and easier) had I just waited for the next train, but hey I made a friend.

I then had a free morning so I took the opportunity to do some writing. About sea coal. I was very pleased with myself for having the foresight to put my fluorescent yellow 1mm letraset tape in my pencil case just to break it up a bit. 

The CT lunch meeting went well as we all just decided that everything would be FINE and we would iron out the details after Christmas. I need to make sure that my textile piece for the exhibition is almost finished (at least sampled anyway) before I go back. I think that may be impossible as I intend to digitally print it then over-dye some of it, then laser cut it, then blacken it with coal from the beach, then maybe stitch a bit on it. 

My final photographs are done, I'm not sure whether to exhibit those alongside the textile piece or not, they may help put it into context? This is my favourite for some reason.

Stopping the Seacoalers

I would say I think my background research is almost complete but I did go and find this book in the library, which I am quite excited about…

Our usual studio session (cancelled) was replaced by a Christmas party. And my induction on the Pfaff machine was cancelled. So I went to the party (for a bit), most people had brought their native alcohol rather than world nibbles which I think was an added bonus. The homemade sloe gin from Grimsby being a clear winner, although I'm sure the sangria and baileys cocktails were also amazing. I stuck to the gin, it's not good to mix your drinks before you go to study in the library. I may sound unsociable but I figured I have little enough time to get this work done and I'm going to see the Pigeon Detectives tonight.

Today - purely in pictures...(almost)

But first a note: We were asked today if we thought the imminent lecture would be relevant to our own work. It was 'Memory and the Visual in Post Conflict Northern Ireland', I have to say that I have taken something valuable from every single session or lecture, whether or not I deemed it to be it relevant to me, even if it was just a list of possible words I may use in my written stuff.

And here's such a list:

• transformative reconfiguration
• valueist
• tangibility
• psycho memory
• skeuomorph
• baudelarairian 
• trans - temporal 
• indexical
• As a little task for myself I might try and insert all the above into my next presentation to my students :-)

Anyway, here's today...

      My design on the screen

THE whole machine (except for the other computer with the design software). Design on the right is Paula's.

Baby steps & giant strides

I didn't get chance to post on the train home last week due to a carriage full of old, drunken sweary louts wearing Christmas jumpers. I didn't manage to do ANYTHING except not look at them. Prior to that however I had quite an interesting day all about...'The Embroidery Experience'...I had training on the 12 head Brother embroidery machine software all morning which involved trying to master using the wheel in the centre of the mouse, clicking it but keeping it still ( I couldn't manage that at all). Then I 'experienced' the Cornely machines, all 7 of them, set up for different thicknesses of thread or cord. I was horrendously bad! It was so difficult it was untrue, I'm going to need either A LOT of practice or to not use them. It was harder than drumming lessons where you are using every limb to beat out a different rhythm. Disappointing results. What worries me is the time it will take to be able to use even one of these machines well, and I'm only there one day a week with other lectures to attend.

This week I'm going early, to attend a symposium- 'Material Matters', my main concern being that I may not have time to drop off my luggage first, sigh. 
There are some high profile speakers so watch this space.
And tomorrow... I get to stitch out my embroidery design. Whoop.

The 7 Cornelys

A very weird machine

P.S. 10.05pm
So... the symposium:

Was very nice thank you. Even though the idea and practice of 'academia', with 'academics' sat around discussing somewhat ordinary subjects 'academically', is rather alien to me, I did enjoy the speakers especially James, sculptor of sawdust extraordinaire. He talked incessantly for twice his allocated time but in such a dulcet tone that I went into a trance. The downside being that thing where you fall asleep for a nano second, jerking yourself awake and hoping no one noticed (x 3).

Interesting quotes of the day: "there is a presence around an (textile) archive, emotions are written on clothes - sweat produced through different emotions smells differently" and "Objects (in archives) make 'unknowable' history imaginable. Without objects, that history is unimaginable." (Jane Webb, in better words than those I remember)

Aside: linking to something said in Contested Territories, that the importance of archives is that they are what history is written from. Both relevant due to the recent closure of a number of important archives. I get that.

The wheels are turning...

Piccadilly, Manchester

I've had my first tutorial, with Jane McKeating who is the Associate Head of Design at MMU, she who has written (good) embroidery books. 

I was afraid she was going to tell me that my 'concept' wasn't 'conceptual' enough...But she was just really interested in my artwork and my ideas of what and how I was going to stitch, I feel like I've been given permission, not to stop reading intellectual and academic texts but to do my practical work alongside that, with equal importance, and not to worry about how I was going to make it become one whole (let's just hope that happens naturally). I feel I can get on and do a body of practical work and stop worrying about it. Her main advice and focus was on my embroidery which was refreshing and got me excited again. She thinks I'm 'precise'. I can't wait to get home and do some PROPER work.

Unfortunately I have to lug my portfolio and overnight bag halfway across Manchester first.

In other news, our lecture this morning was cancelled and this afternoon's session was for international students only. 

So... I had my health & safety embroidery workshop induction and had to prove I could thread a Bernina sewing machine, I expect it will get slightly more difficult. Next week I get to learn how to use the software for the 12 head embroidery machine- cool.

This respite also gave our CT mapping group a chance to decide what we were actually going to do and how to move forward. The dynamics have changed a little but I think it will all work out...for my part, I am going to photograph a contested territory near home, which will be put on a map, one of a series of 3. I am thinking Seal Sands... that industry vs nature thing we've got going on and maybe Seaton Carew, that quaint little seaside town we've got, as a 'non-tourist' resort. After Christmas we'll decide how we are going to present it; so far this involves a buffet, as we decided a plate of buffet food could be said to be 'contested' I.e. prawn vol au vents fighting with sherry trifle = a mess on a plate.

Oh, I also offered to help with some (very) early-morning, guerrilla-style, paste-up, street-art* for an installation piece two of the group are doing (I'm knitting the balaclavas!)

*I have used the hyphen incorrectly... for effect.  

How to change the world with embroidery...?

Before I reveal the answer I shall update you on my beautiful day...

Starting with a 'CT' (know what it is yet?) meeting in the canteen at 9.30am to devise a plan for an early little reconnaissance outing. I think I was kind of still a little asleep. We didn't make a plan except 'to just set off', but it was suggested that we could go somewhere, return, then individually draw a map from memory where we had been, and layer the results on top of an actual map and each other's. I think that would be kind of interesting although I'm guessing scale may be a bit of an issue. It would be a fun 'aside'. 
I feel I should be doing more of the 'suggesting' within the group instead of taking more of an admin role (i.e. writing the minutes for our Facebook page!) Mmm, I was reminded today that this module has the same number of credits as our Practice 1 (main design) module, damn. However, I do know that this option was the right choice even when I see what the 'Object in Context' people are doing.
Anyway, we were looking for examples of contested territories which we can then map. I think we discovered about 2. But the Urbexing was fabulous anyway...

The rest of the day, everyone except part time year 1 (which includes me :-)) did their Pecha Kucha presentations about their (practical) work so far, with varying degrees of charisma. Nick's was brilliant but he is from Liverpool. I found that most had no physical work either by the look of it. They could always be hiding it though. Unfortunately, they all had really good, amazing ideas that would change the world, or at the very least improve it for some marginalised, disadvantaged, disabled, or 'needy' part of society by inventing/designing an incredible product or such like. So much so that they would be deserving of a Noble prize or a knighthood. (This may be a slight exaggeration- 2 weren't that good). So... in terms of my confidence levels being fairly healthy this last week it has done a lot of damage in that I have now decided I must sort out my stuff RIGHT NOW and fix it (well on Saturday).
Honestly, I know what my problem is, I want to continue with the project I started in the summer, i.e. develop it and see how exciting it can get. To be fair I don't even have that much - just some drawings, photographs and paintings and half an embellishment sample. But, what I need to do is throw all that out and start afresh with nothing - however, I really don't want to. 

So the answer to the title question is.. 
'You actually can't, so just make it more fabulous'.

Finally, I have devised this confidence graph which I will plot for the duration of my MA;

Nothing Doing...

The realisation just hit me. Seven weeks and I've done nothing 'creative' (it feels). Not even mixed a colour. What I have done though is (beat myself up and) some thinking- i.e. tried to conceptualise by osmosis. 
Actually I take that back. I now realise I have not 'done nothing', I have been unconsciously imbibed with new vocabulary, been sucked/enticed into the new way of speaking and thinking (a little), I still can't do it (at all well) but more positively and in response to this realisation, I have come up with these questions I need to ask myself... 

• Can my work translate to large scale installations? 
• Do I want it to? 
• What other applications may my work have?
• Why do I want to do what I want to do with it?
• Does my work need a use (other than to look gorgeous !!!)?

And in relation to my theoretical research on my initial inspiration:

'the finding/uncovering of objects left behind in a derelict, desolate landscape, that which gives a sense of ‘place’ and an emotive response to the viewer' (new!)

• Why are these objects left? Accident or design?
• What do these objects mean? What did they mean to someone once? What do they mean to the other?
• Why do some people (me) search them out? How does it make them (me) feel?
• Why do I want to go to Chernobyl?

So...I have changed the emphasis of the direction of my research (slightly), not sure whether things are becoming clearer; if I am changing things to make more sense or if I am just further muddying the waters? Time will tell, I look forward to seeing if I feel I can keep it next week! But I definitely should stop loitering and take some action.

               

I love the smell of Selvedge magazine...

Good day... (Week 6: Already?)

For a quick synopsis scroll down to *

On my way... again

Wednesday evening, I'm on the train and it's on time so let's hope I make my connection this week, it would be nice.

I feel less trepidation this week; I think we may get into some artwork... although I haven't brought ANY art materials or even paper with me! I am also expecting to meet my personal tutor and have to explain my work (again), hopefully I will do a better job of that this time. I have some photographs and a piece of embroidery in my bag so I can at least resort to some visual back up. I do intend to work/continue with the studies I did over summer, developing those and producing new, more textural, study sheets, alongside producing some  samples and learning how to tambour. I borrowed a hook a few weeks ago and have not yet managed to get started. But this weekend is completely free for me to MA.

Journey Reading

On my way back...again.

Just a note; I missed my connection last night by ONE MINUTE. Sigh. It upsets me as it costs me taxi fare and half an hour. Out of 6 journeys, this has happened 4 times, not a great record (also not my fault).

My day starts with a 10am lecture on Contested Territories, so thats where I will start...

We talked about the 'Impact of Empires', well not me personally, I was trying out the strategy of keeping my mouth (mostly) shut to hide my ignorance. I didn't know much about the topics but there is an improvement... I accept that I don't know anything about Orientalism for example, but I DO know quite a lot about Chinoiserie (no, I know it's not the same), so... I don't think I'm that stupid. I just know about other/different things.

I have to say what struck me most was the thought that I can't imagine EVER studying anything in another language. omg. English is a second language for a large percentage of the class and wow they're good.

So then I took an extra lecture, over lunch (I KNOW!!!!!!!) about Dutch Design Week and it was great.. just looking at interesting and beautiful things, and the In Vitro Meat Cookbook.

Then...

Practice 1 Session: How to talk the 'talk'...

(Obviously this is exactly what I need to know) 

I think it goes like this...

1. Choose a metaphor e.g. 'spinning a yarn' or, make one up (not quite sure if this is allowed but I have)
2. Apply said metaphor to whatever it is you are talking/writing about
3. Choose words to describe your 'thing' that work with your metaphor

For example:

So I'm going to 'pan for gold' and sift through the layers of silt until I find glimmers of preciousness and nuggets of value (which will keep me going). I will be examining fragments and findings from the past and continue until I find enough gold to make THE ingot of all ingots.

Key Words:

Elusive, Precious, Determination

*   Today I have learned:

•     How ridiculous and tenuous is the link I made to conceptualise and contextualise my work, the one between Dark Tourism and Urbexing. BUT I do have a solution. (And after all, I have started planning my trip to Chernobyl.)
•   That maybe the reason I have felt intellectually inadequate when I didn't understand what some people were talking about was because those people were actually not making any sense, they were just doing it with big words to make it sound good.
•   And I still haven't met Nigel.

Let's Make This Precious...

ok then...

Here we go, lets get practical.

End or beginning

Before I get to the nitty gritty; a few observations...

• There's someone in my Contested Territories class called Ulysses, how beautiful a name is that?
• It's exceptionally mild for this time of year (had to carry my coat around)
• Apparently now I have a personal tutor, he's called Nigel.

1.    Contested Territories...

We discussed ideas for the work we are to produce between us, amongst us, starting with thoughts on communication which led to the vagaries of language, dialect: cultural translation studies including issues regarding reactions to de-globalisation which led to 'words': use of, change of... this in turn led to a discussion on gender, countries at war. Then...guides, maps, routes to remnants of planes crashed in the Peak District...very interesting.

http://peakwreckhunters.blogspot.co.uk/

This led to everyone deciding not to do a symposium but an exhibition or a festival of exhibitions; there seems to be 3 distinct camps and possibilities for groups to form:

a. Mapping 'exhibits', that are already there (in the street) that represent some territory contested (I like this one)

b. Producing work to be 'pasted up' on the boarded up windows of boarded up houses along a full boarded up street, am not sure what the work would be based on (but I like this idea)

c. Gender issues relating to nations at war

+d. (Secret) communication within Illustration by means of coding 

We then spent a good 40 minutes trying to set up a group Facebook page and adding everyone. I need to post on this tonight and hopefully infiltrate group no.1

2.    Anticipating Change; The Final Chapter OR

 Anticipating Change; Anticipating the Presentation (all morning)

I had recently posted some new research on our blog, I had also offered to present some of said research during the group presentation this afternoon, due to me feeling guilty about being a (very) part-time member but also wanting to contribute to and support the group at our final 'showdown'. However, I was rather hoping it wouldn't fit in. But due to the kindness of Nick & Helen wanting to 'include' Jack and I, I was allowed. Mmmm. I played my small part with what seemed to appear to others to be confidence, but was actually slight panic, not least because it was being FILMED.
So, now that is over. I'm not sure yet how much of our research will inform my overall 'Practice 1' outcomes but the pure fact of doing research will surely prove a bonus. I'm hoping that now will come a chance to get some practical work done.
     
 Reading back, my comments are not really very evaluative OR analytical...so here's some of that:
On the collaborative aspect and the overall experience:
Put into groups, randomly, for a 4 week long, collaborative research and presentation project to answer, in essence, ‘What are the influences on future design?’ 
(See blog for more in depth information: www.anticipatingchange.blog.com)
At the outset I felt a little unsure, nervous yet resigned, as I had known this was coming, admittedly though, perhaps not so fast.
When introduced to (or rather when I found) my group – number 7, I wanted to appear ‘as good as…’, ‘confident but not fake, pushy or arrogant’ (because I am not) and not as ‘a leader’ but definitely as someone who would contribute. I certainly didn’t want to push myself forward nor shy away from tasks. I was happy with (most of) the group; one member who shall remain nameless, immediately proceeded to tear strips off me for not committing to more than one day a week. Great start - not. This made me feel embarrassed, completely shocked that it actually happened. I am still shocked. The rest of the group more than made up for this ‘incident’; creative thinkers, interesting, friendly people, very fair and who got on with the job (very well). It was a great exercise to introduce us to each other and I was glad of that opportunity. I have said in an earlier post that overall I felt academically inadequate but this group did not make me feel that way.
The positive aspects of this working group has meant I formed new relationships with my peers, (and didn’t have to find people to work with myself – as this may have been like being the last kid to be picked for the team in PE), met other part timers who took part in my initial experiences and who shared their information, met full timers who I wouldn’t otherwise be working with and it gave us all a common ground and a common goal. It encouraged us to begin researching immediately with a focus and a starting point. Also by spending the first few weeks on this, I am even more excited to start some textile work.
On the negative side; during the tirade I suffered, I felt I didn’t stand up for myself (I was shocked into complete stupid silence) which made me feel small, although I realise this was just unlucky. Mixing full and part time students, although had it’s advantages also meant I felt some guilt not doing as much as others did.
If I had to do it all again I wouldn’t do anything differently, I don’t think I could to be honest. It was how it was, mainly due to external factors & influences. As for my own performance within the presentation I could have prepared my part better and in a more timely fashion by checking my emails the night before which was when my part had been identified. As it was, I quickly did extra research and tried to get it straight in my head - over lunch, which was quite stressful! Oh but then I forgot to look at my crib sheets with the facts and figures on and ended up skimming over the main points I was trying to get across. However, I did manage to do it without betablockers :-)

In conclusion I feel it has set the MA tone: rightly or wrongly, to be academic, conceptually and personally challenging, with no room for a comfort zone and it has helped me to know what to expect for the next 2 years (to be proven either way – watch this space).

Some words…

A moment in time memory jog: I managed to a) find 3 books in 3 different wings of the library AND b) withdraw 3 said books (self service!)

Personal insight or realisation: I am resistant to change (in all avenues of life), but only for about 4 weeks...so soon I will be fine.

On Visual Research:

Primary Research:

Photographing and drawing dereliction, desolation, destruction, discarded, (all the 'd's' in fact) plus...forgotten, unloved, still, lost, left, bereft, rejected, cast aside, inanimate.

Making marks; descriptive, emotionally propelled and loose, abstract. Using and including tiny pieces of the buildings themselves, giving an unseen (emotional/emotive?) depth and unimagined/unexpected honesty and truth.

This (textural) response will contrast with measured, directional, straight, ruled lines and geometric shapes taken from the perspective, the respective, lines and forms of the photographed interiors. The complete, combined visual studies (relate to) a contested*/ constricted work of opposites; pockets of jewels (the detritus of a life) flicker, glint like memories. Under the surface. Precious pockets, pockets of precious, glimmers of hope and future.

Surfaces; textured, peeling, smooth, matt, bubbled, blistered, shiny, layered, laid, pastel, papery, plaster-like, torn

On Theoretical Research:

Primary Research: A little trip to Chernobyl?

‘Dark Tourism’ – specifically the emotional pull and significance of sites associated with death and tragedy.

 *'Contested' definition - 1. A struggle for superiority or victory between rivals.

The Crux of the Matter

The following is a concise (150 words - very difficult) overview of the body of work I would like to produce during my MA study. I have changed it already... from the areas of fashion/haute couture to interiors/installation, chance for a change. 

'My personal aims relating to my own practice during the MA include; to investigate new technology, mechanisation & computerisation to produce innovative embroidery designs/samples together with the exploration of non-traditional materials & 3D techniques within the craft of embroidery. I intend to produce a collection of embroidery & embellishment samples investigating, not least, the notion of scale and 3D elements. I should like to discover how to instill my work with characteristics that evoke emotional responses. I will research current ethical and cultural issues that directly inform and relate to my specific interests initially focusing on ‘Dark Tourism’; a form of macabre pilgrimage in which people journey to sites redolent with death or disaster to emotionally connect. I intend to extend and develop my limited skills regarding conceptual thinking, whilst still producing highly aesthetically pleasing outcomes specifically for high-end interiors/installation market. To do this I will engage with primary research sources leading to a deeper understanding of theoretical issues raised. An integral aim is to communicate my ideas and intentions in a clear, concise, exciting and confident manner whilst critically analysing and evaluating my work on an ongoing and in depth basis, generating a valuable, constructive, personal resource to inform future planning and problem solving.'

My 5 keywords are: Fragmentation, Dark Tourism, Discarded, Forgotten & Remains; lets see how they change...

Third Day Nerves

Week/Day 3:

A moment in time memory jog:' Person on the Stockport viaduct' alert last night = difficult  journey…

A 10am start of my Options Unit, I have chosen 'Contested Territories' over my second choice 'Objects in Context' which is all about collecting, classifying, detail, emotional attachment, things etc…right up my street, I know this, I love this, I do this but I am also interested in the issues raised within Contested Territories and this I do not know, I already have an interest in Dark Tourism and this was mentioned along with other related subjects I had not considered, but some of which I have a tiny insight into through refugee and asylum seeker's stories I heard whilst doing volunteer work. It tugged at me and I thought I would be brave and venture out of my comfort zone and I know the research will be helpful within my practice - somehow.

Since I was about 13 years old I have had an interest in the holocaust, maybe because it is just so unbelievable - unfathomable and heartwrenching and human and for some reason I have always had an urge/pull/need/want to visit Auschwitz. Since Urbexing too, I would love to visit Chernobyl. This unit made me think about why this is; we had to introduce ourselves to the group and whilst waiting my turn I tried to think of what I was going to say. I didn't say, ' I've always wanted to visit Auschwitz'… because someone may have asked, 'Well why haven't you?' I thought I'd better consider that question. I conclude, I have been too afraid of breaking down and crying in public when I feared I might. I don't like to show emotion, I was horrified when I went on a Catholic retreat once and spent the whole weekend in floods of tears or trying desperately to hold them back.

http://www.politics.ie/forum/history/221271-liberation-auschwitz-holocaust-memorial-day-images.html

I think I may have to visit Chernobyl first, I imagine it will make me angry, which is more acceptable to me than pure grief. I intend to research into what makes people have this pull towards visiting places where bad things happened, it seems strange in many ways, I understand it's a (an emotional) connection with the past, an effort not to let the horrors, atrocities be ever forgotten/brushed aside…but is that the same as going on an American bus trip to visit scenes of domestic brutal murders? I don't think so.

All the above may have come out better than my actual words which were an insight for everyone else into how I don't know how to apply conceptual thinking to my work and what a person scrabbling about for words that sound quite good looks like. I NEED TO STOP TRYING TO RELATE MY WORK TO REAL WORLD BIG ISSUES and making it fit conceptually, don't I? But I think that's not allowed. What's wrong with picking the option because it sounded interesting????

Today we touched on borders, real and imagined… it was too short.

Insight of the week:

•   Everyone seems to be incredibly academic. I'm not, just average.

•   If you were to use all the equipment you wanted to, make things with everything, get to be good at it all, you would need to be in those great workshops for 10 years solid. I'm going to need all my powers of selectivity.

•   No-one seems to know where we're supposed to be.

Why am I writing this blog?

The importance of constant, analytical evaluation on one's work, progress and practice is not lost on me. I am aware that I need to write an in depth evaluation in all my modules/units so if I write this account, sometimes brief though it will be, I am sure to find it easier at the end. Fingers crossed. (And I'll try not to write much about TK Maxx.)