Progress and ‘Thinking by Writing Things Down’…

The fundamentals and essentiality of my research is based on an inspirational (and to be repeated) trip to Chernobyl: initially being to look at self-settlers and their reasons for returning to a homeland that could potentially kill them. However, after in depth research, I soon realised there are a multitude of issues connected to the 1986 disaster that are still very much relevant worldwide today i.e. real-time safety issues regarding the highly radioactive waste still stored at Chernobyl, recognition of the disaster as catalyst for world change (i.e. Glasnost), collective memory – a cognitive resonance, relating to the sudden evacuation of Pripyat and displacement trauma, as well as the effect of human error on mass population (responsibility) and not least the heroic, almost suicidal bravery of individuals who really did save the world. After initial research, subjects broadened (to include the Holocaust, Dark Tourism etc) and became too much. Therefore I have concluded what it is I am most interested in – ʻChernobylʼ and the ʻpoignancy of a fleeting moment in timeʼ and through this message –visually and emotionally communicated through my work, I will selectively choose particular resonating ʻsnapshots in timeʼ attempting to raise awareness of the wider and far- reaching issues through a textiles exhibition piece or installation, the title of which should definitely be…

'What Once Was There'

or rather

‘What Was There Once’

The next step is more research, but not exclusively as I need to produce physical work – which will form the basis of my future ‘mastery’. This ‘mastery’ can also be of my subject, my concept. In the first instance I therefore need to extend my memory life, like a rechargeable battery. Duracell, preferably. 

Digitally printed silk length with discharge screen print

Now though I have arrived more at questions than answers…

Q: How to capture ‘a moment in time’?

A: Photography being the most obvious, and I have plenty of photos…so kind of disregarding (for the moment) all the artwork, drawing etc. that I have done, which will never be useless as by doing that I have refined and defined my colour story, compositionally testing out figurative, textured and abstract responses which will no doubt, have subconsciously informed my future outcomes (OR I could actually use some of those images, marks and shapes for a layer of print). An aside: I feel I am still putting too much into/onto a design –you decide?

Q: How to choose the most evocative moment in time?

Q: What if I combine a number of photographic images to create a moment in time?

Q: Do I manipulate the images?

A: So far in some cases I have merged and layered them and decreased the opacity but little else. I do like them and mostly they do, I feel, create a mood, an impression.

Q: Should they tell a story? Can you expect every photographic image to tell a whole story, is that feasible?

A: The one piece that does say what I want to say is this one;

Cyanotype print - Pripyat Interior

Mmm what to do with it now.

Auschwitz/Birkenau...September 2015

I've spent a while processing my trip to Auschwitz and the thoughts of that trip.

Poland is fabulous - and I will definitely go back.

Research-wise, of course I HAD to visit Auschwitz/Birkenau. Everybody should go, they just should. It's a worthwhile thing. Disquieting, if a little 'cold'.

It was not at all what I expected although I couldn't say what I actually did expect. For a start it’s huge, a massive area. It was impossible to get a real sense of how it was, of course. I do feel being with a guide and in a group shaped the experience, the guide was necessary in the first instance – he was knowledgeable and we were given factual information in addition to what could be gleaned from the information points, but I would have liked to have some time wandering around alone, thinking. That was the downside of being in/with a group. There wasn't really time for thinking during the tour, it was on to the next part, then the next part, in the queue, ushered through and so on.

The group I was with was a group of old soldiers (REME Association – Teesside Branch) which gave a different, yet positive slant; they laid a wreath at the wall where the shootings had occurred, which was a touching and respectful moment.

Laying the wreath at 'the wall'

I had imagined I would be in pieces the whole time yet I wasn't, I tried to feel empathy but in the main that was actually difficult. I tried to concentrate, to connect and 'feel', but it was unbelievably difficult and almost incomprehensible. There were moments however, when it was completely overwhelming and very emotional, though the whole thing is beyond understanding. 

 

I became very interested in the other tourists, many, many of them. The number was somewhat unexpected, yet necessary and somewhat heartening. It brought me back to the 'Dark Tourism' aspect of my research – where it all began; the behaviour, expressions and actions of the tourists, from all over the world, were very sobering. 

 

 

There was also a gift shop, but you didn’t have to exit through it. 

Whilst in Krakow, I visited Oskar Schindler's Factory which is now a museum about life in wartime Krakow, including information and exhibits about the Jewish community and the ghettos; real, gritty, evocative photographs. I would have liked it to have had more about Oskar Schindler, his factory, the events, individual stories etc. but there was very little. 

Schlinder's List

 One afternoon, I took myself off and went back to the ghetto alone. I thought I would explore the back streets and try to imagine/see what it was like back then, physically if not emotionally. Many of the buildings are not original so it was difficult although there were some, again it was hard to imagine at all what life must have been like for the people behind the walls. I stood for a long time at the section of wall remaining that was built around the ghetto to contain thousands upon thousands of people.

After my visit, I now feel I do not want to do 'work' on the subject, at all. At least I know that now. However, I am sure the experience will somehow reshape my thoughts, my inner person and my outlook.

Part 2

Shaft

Today I had an appointment for a tutorial with Alex. Not Nigel. But neither came anyway.
It was for my feedback (but I did get emailed my mark) for my first unit (apart from the Contested Territories option, which played an important and incredibly influential part).
I am wondering what everyone else in my pathway/group has got. I have no idea.

I got 69.
69 per cent.  I'm fine with that.  I think I know why.

I do know 3 other people's marks, they all got 78+.
They all do photography.

I now have until December to work forward from my initial idea's,  it's kind of the development part, I've done the research and visual studies, drawing and photography/recording and now its time to play with it. And obviously, CONTINUALLY researching more. From January I expect I may be starting to produce a final collection of work. I have started to write this (new) proposal which I need to present to the group next week...

Practice 2:

Does an aesthetically beautiful piece have an innate inability to convey the magnitude of horrific and disturbing events such as the holocaust? (Bathrick et al., 2008), is it unacceptable even to use aesthetic means to draw attention to such issues? I need to further question the ‘intentionality’ of my work and imagery.

Aims: 

-Focus on ONE main area and produce some solid work from initial ideas generated in P1.
-Extend and develop these through materials and techniques (in depth investigation)  
-Concentrate on the Chernobyl disaster (Democide: many deaths arising through various neglects and abuses by a government, as opposed to Omnicide: the destruction of all life especially by nuclear war) ? And the Holocaust (Genocide: the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group) and related issues. 

-Produce work that will be noticed, possibly by using shocking imagery but more likely thought provoking text

-Understand what I want to achieve and convey it to the critic.

-Research 'Aesthetic Theory' including moral issues and how other artists have conveyed and dealt with sensitive issues

-Leave final outcome ‘area’ open.

-The fundamentals and essentiality of my research is condensed into the acceptance or rejection of the possibility of beauty in disturbing imagery, content, background or suggestion of such – ‘external beauty, internal ugly’.

I recently put some images of my initial Practice 2 sketchbook pages on Facebook. Here I will explain my thought process whilst producing them.

   A great quote from a poem by Ivan Drach, a Ukrainian poet that I found after my concept development came to exactly this point...

Just to get going and get rid of the blank page 'look' I had going on I cut up a test screen print, tore up some black sugar paper I had been using to spray paint things on, 'found' a photograph and Maria and stuck it all down. (That's probably not actually a thought process).

Leftover bits of work on Ivan

The caption explains EVERYTHING about this piece. I do have a printed sample of him on silk that I am going to start stitching on, just to do something while Big Brother's on.

Some Chernobyl forest drawing with non Chernobyl imagery that seems to fit anyway

Maybe I need to paint on this with gouache. I will come back to it, all in good time. I had the laser cut offcuts from an experiment which didn't quite work, but left a 'trace'.

Using negative space and block shapes to indicate what isn't there anymore, many small villages thought to be too radioactive were completely buried after the explosion

I just fancied getting the Quink out here. The result is that the sketchbook is started and now I need to get serious - I will NOT put in anything without an excellent reason and conscious thought. From tomorrow.

Oh, AND I've made a zine about Chernobyl, which is a small taster.
Come and buy one from me at The Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art, Gateshead on July 10/11th.
Only £1.00.
If you don't want to pay that much you can download it here for free… (click on 'share') - you just don't get the hand finished effect.

N.B. I am halfway through 2 more: 'BOX' & "Found!' so you could have a collection 

Discovery of the week: The reason that I really like coming to MMU.

After 2 minutes of long, hard thinking I realise it could be because it's taking just one day a week out of ordinary day to day usuality and doing something completely different. It's like a holiday, split up and spread out to try and make it last longer. It's my parallel universe.

Disclaimer: this is not professed to be a good example of evaluative, in-depth or analytical writing, I'm just too tired.

Early doors but not there yet...

Early start... up at 6am killing me. A day return. This is only a possibility when I don't have to start at 10am.

Today I need to pick up my (assessed!!!) work, and be introduced to Practice 2: our new module. I am VERY excited...now is the time that I EXPLORE my idea's practically and creatively.

I have been advised that I need to SHOCK to get 'my' message across, in order to draw attention to the Chernobyl issue and/or other major issues and horrific atrocities, and NOT to (necessarily) produce something aesthetically pleasing (which was always my intention), so the upshot being that as soon as I think I know what my intention is, there comes the proverbial 'spanner in the works'. I was also advised that it would be VERY difficult (argh).

So although I have my concept, which although now much more focused, continues to need much more research and another trip to the Ukraine (Chernobyl again but I have also just found about Babi Yar - how/why did I not know about this already?!), I still don't know what I am doing. ALSO after intense thinking and sweating about WHAT I am designing for, I have been advised that I now don't need to know this - which is very free-ing in a way and very scary in another. Hopefully I'll know by the time Practice 3 comes around.

Babi Yar

And in other news: I am all booked up to spend 5 days in Poland in September, again for research purposes, incredibly luckily I have funding to do this. I am not excited, I am afraid. I will be visiting Auschwitz and Birkenau. I need to allow myself to be emotionally immersed in the experience in order for it to inform my practice and influence my work but as a rather closed person (I think??!) it will absolutely destroy my composure (and I feel selfish for even worrying about this).  

Book I'm finishing on the train

 

List of immediate jobs:

• Finish reading 8 books (interesting)
• Start a new sketchbook (delicious) 
• List the main (shocking & relevant/appropriate) points I need to raise (thought provoking)
• Think about how to do this (impossible)
• Research 'memorial art' and 'shocking work on big issues' (time consuming)



Holocaust Monument, Berlin